Monday, February 27, 2012

A Rookie Takes Flight

The following is a transcript of an actual conversation that took place between myself and my new, albeit borrowed, sensei.

Those of you unfamiliar with this horse should know that he is an ego on 4 legs . . . er, hooves. He’s a been there, done that, got the saddle pad to prove it sort. He never learned how to hug as a child so he shows his affection by tossing his head at your face or stepping on your toe while pretending to look the other way. He’s like the high school jock that gives you a head nod instead of a hello. I imagine if he spoke human his voice would be a string of grunts and blended syllables akin to Heath Ledger in Brokeback Mountain. I wish I knew how to quit him . . .

Anyway, we were schooling over some large jumps for the first time and it went like this:

“Uh, horse . . .?  Do you see that?”

“Holy crap”

“Holy crap. Is the canter okay? Are we straight? Are you gonna go? Seriously, are you? That thing is massive! It’s got its own zip code for crying out loud. Where’s the eject? What does this red button do? Holy crap.”

“I don’t see a distance. What if we go long? What if we chip? Why can’t I get a better handful of mane? Who trimmed your mane?! Why didn’t I wear better underwear? Gaaaah!”
Do you ever shut up?

Fence arrives. Horse leaves short, I leave long. I catch horse in mouth.

Dang it rookie, I warned you about that!

(Fast forward 30 days and about as many fences)

“You see that?”

“Nice day, isn‘t it”

Ladies and gentleman, please prepare for takeoff. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the flight.

Not bad, kid. Not bad.











Friday, February 24, 2012

And So it Begins . . .

Before it all starts
Well butter my biscuit and dip me in gravy, we are building ourselves a farm! Cheeky southern lingo aside, we are indeed strapping ourselves in to the roller coaster that is know as home construction. Yikes.

I love roller coasters. I love the speed. I love the drops. I love the upside-down, sideways-twist, make-you-regret-the-corn-dog loops. What I hate is that defining moment as you're sitting in the beast and you click the harness into place. In that instant you suddently realize "Oh my God, what have I just done?" (Sir, oh sir? Do you mind? I seemed to be strapped into this roller coaster and I think I've made a mistake. No really, get me out. Whaddya mean you can't, the boss isn't even looking. Just do it! I swear, if you push that button . . .)

Well, the ink wasn't even dry on the loan papers and I felt the whoosh of a mach 3 loop-de-loop. But we've waited in line for what seems like ages to be on this ride and darn it, it'll be worth every moment.

Just steer clear of the corn dogs.

Day one - real live construction

Hey look, it's almost a house . . .

Day one was bright and sunny and the guys are preparing for the footers.

Day two - first rain delay.

Corn dog and wine STAT! Actually, just the wine will do. 
Day two - the first rain delay