Oh Waiter, I’m a little
pressed for time. Would you mind terribly combining my appetizer, salad, soup,
entrée, and dessert into one big pill that I can shove down my gullet while
you’re already processing my credit card? That’d be great, thanks.
Time is a funny thing. Not
funny haha, more like funny peculiar. For instance, if I’m stuck in traffic for
30 minutes it is like LOSING MY WHOLE DAY! 60 minutes in the saddle, however,
is over before I can blink my eyes.
And sleep? Pssshhhhttt. Don’t
even get me started. I’m convinced my alarm clock is playing tricks on me every
time it goes off. Of course, considering my alarm is a circa 1985 Dream Machine
clock-radio, with the optional buzzer or
FM tuner function (yeah, pretty high
tech), I wouldn’t be surprised if IT doesn’t even know what time it is, or what
decade for that matter. In fact, I’ll bet that crusty old clock is drooling on
itself right now and at some point will randomly shout “Cheeseburger!” or
“Whippersnapper!” or “Damn snooze bar stuck again”.
Meanwhile, I’m trying to find
ways to blend tasks in an endless pursuit of efficiency.
And then I think to myself:
Self, (sometimes Self answers back, but I don’t count on it) there are 86,400
seconds in a day and you just wasted 300 of them on nonsense. And there went another 45 realizing you just
wasted 300.
It’s the human equivalent of
chasing your tail. Entertaining to watch, but not very productive.
So I endeavor to
strategically coordinate my efforts in what amounts to a predetermined game of
cat and mouse with the clock: I grocery shop in riding pants and muck boots;
though I shamelessly admit that I pretend to be a movie star avoiding the
paparazzi (don’t make eye contact, wear a baseball hat, and keep sunglasses on
at all costs); I blow dry my hair and drag the fields at the same time; heck, I
even started brushing my teeth in the shower, which seemed like a good idea
until I used face-wash on my toothbrush because I hadn’t included “contact lens
insertion” into my new, ingenious, timesaving strategy. My hair was plaque free
and my teeth had a new youthful appearance, without any fine lines or wrinkles.
And now, as I’ve used up
2,795 of my allotted seconds-per-day I realize that regardless of what I do
those seconds will turn into minutes, and then those minutes will turn into
hours, and then those hours will tick by in the same endless loop that they
have since time was invented.
There’s no savings account
for time. You don’t get to rollover unused minutes to the next day and you sure
as heck can’t take it with you when you’re gone, so why not spend some of that
86,400 on something a little more meaningful; something you CAN carry over into
next week, next month, next year. Why
not spend a little of that time smiling over an old photo album, or putting
down the pitchfork long enough to enjoy just how blue the sky is or how clean
the air smells. An afternoon with the kids before they’re all grown up is a
pretty smart purchase if you ask me.
Even though I brushed my teeth with Oil of Olay I don’t think I’m wrong
here.
I think I’m exactly right as
a matter of fact.
Oh, Waiter, I’ll take that
meal in a box instead. I’ve just realized I have an appointment with my front
porch and a sunset. And that is
something worth savoring.
